with your own penis?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
