Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
