like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
