i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
