things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize