first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
