college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
