I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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