my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I am one with the molecules
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
