20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
