in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
