If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
