from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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