I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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