yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
