When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I wish there were birth control emojis
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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