I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
