just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
