I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
