I am midnight drunk by noon
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
this is an emotional support booty call
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
