My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
