i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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