This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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