Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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