i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
