tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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