why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
