so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
