I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
