Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
