if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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