I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
