I wish I could punch you in the face.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize