There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
