I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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