i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
