He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
