I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I smell like Dick and happiness
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
