bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
