I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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