you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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