I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
