I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
