she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
