i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
