I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
