So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
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