After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you will always have a special place in my vag
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
