i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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