at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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