I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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