I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
