just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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