Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize