our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
