you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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