I wannas sexs uuuuu
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Your cock deserves a montage
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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