Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
