the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
