and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
