Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Found your dick twin last night
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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