It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize