just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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