can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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