When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
my shit smells like andre
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
