Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
