I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
