His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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